I just woke up and somehow survived another night in this 40 degree heat. I still have creepy men waiting outside my hotel room. I’m not sure if they’re the same ones who followed me to the hotel room last night or if they’re here to serve me breakfast. But either way, attention is kinda what I live for, that’s why I dance half-naked in front of 40,000 strangers knowing that Chris Gayle is possibly peeking at all the flesh above my knees.
Speaking of food – tasting the delicacies of India has always been a dream of mine because I can only really eat food in my dreams. I only feed on tomatoes, lettuce and the endless attention I receive from Indian cricket fans. Someone had mentioned that one bite of an Indian snack could raise your cholesterol levels and take you up an extra dress size because they’re so fattening, so I’ve done really well and stayed away from them. Danny Morrison would never be able to lift me on his shoulders if I ever put on any weight. That would be a nightmare.
I really hope I don’t have to perform looking like a Bharat Natyam dancer at any point, I’ve never performed in so much clothing before – just imagine how uncomfortable that would be. And I’ve done some uncomfortable things on stage, the other day I was asked to seduce an umpire with a cart of apples and a cricket ball. Priya, one of my cheerleader friends who I met in our seminar ‘How To Avoid Eye Contact With Indian Men With Thick Moustaches’, looked like a beautiful Indian princess yesterday when she performed. But she’s used to wearing multiple layers despite the heat and keeping over eighty percent of her body covered.
I just love to dance with no limitations, I must feel that my soul is free to get into the feel of the music and dance in total sync with my gals. I truly believe that some of our routines are just as good as Beyonce’s music videos with her backup dancers. I guess nobody has noticed that because the loud music tearing through age-old speakers rented from a local DJ has probably burst their ear drums probably affecting their vision. I read somewhere that the ear canal is sorta connected to the eyeball because of evolution and stuff.
I am going to take a nap before another creep comes up with an excuse to get into my pants.
Catch you later!